Predicament
by Raheema
Summary: Olivia faces a serious predicament. She has Alex in her life, but she wants something more, something she never thought she could and she doesn't know how to approach it.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Elliot, Where is Olivia?" Casey said moving quickly to stand next to a startled Elliot.

"Oh, she had…she had an appointment today."

"Is she alright?" Casey asked genuinely concerned.

"Oh yeah, she's fine…normal stuff, you know."

"Oh…" Casey looked slightly skeptical but didn't pursue it. "Okay, let her know I came by, I need to prep her for court."

"Sure, you need me to come by too?"

"Yeah, later today ok?"

Elliot let out a sigh of relief as Casey walked away and then looked up to catch Munch's smirk.

"Don't say it." He gave Munch a glare before heading out to lunch.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Appointment huh?" Munch sang before returning to his DD-5.

LUNCH

Dropping himself in the chair opposite his partner he sipped his coke.

"Thanks for ordering for us…and Olivia tell me again why you wanted to hold off on telling Novak?"

"El, we covered this already, I just want to keep this to myself for right now, and I don't want her slipping up and telling any involved parties anything."

"You look stressed, Liv."

"I…I'm trying to get this right and it's getting to me. I'm afraid of what she'll say El. And if it goes well…I'm still afraid of what comes after!" Olivia said then took a big bit of her sandwich, struggling to crew the amount of sandwich in her mouth. Perhaps she was prone to biting off more than she could chew. The thought made her roll her eyes at herself and worry even more.

"It'll be fine. You went today and talked to the guy, he knows about these things, they see this kinda predicament everyday. I mean he's a professional. He helped me too you know?"

"Yeah, I know, I know…It's just that…I never thought it would be me in this situation you know?"

"Yeah, it's not easy but it'll be fine. I'm here for you…sooooo, did you, you know, get it?"

MORNING

The morning came far too quickly for her liking and she lay in her empty bed for a moment longer before moving to the bathroom and a stepping into the shower.

Dressing in a comfortable pair of dark blue jeans and a heather gray v-neck t-shirt, she pulled on a navy blue light weight hoodie and clipped her badge to her hip while she stepped in to her boots.

In her hunt for coffee she came to an abrupt stop in the kitchen entry as she took in the object of her desire.

She stood in the kitchen in only a white button down shirt. Black lace boy shorts where just visible under the back of the shirt and long creamy exposed legs went on forever until they ended at bare feet. One foot tapped to an unknown beat on her hardwood floor and its owner's head stared down at an open file folder on the counter. An elegant hand gestured emphatically, even with a blueberry bagel dangling from the long fingers. The blonde hair was open and looked positively heavenly lit by the morning sun. She was obviously going over her notes and arguments as she tendered to do in the morning.

As Olivia tried to calm her beating heart, the vision in her kitchen sensed her presence and turned to her, dark framed glasses did nothing to conceal the stunning blue eyes beyond them.

Liv swallowed hard as she notice that the shirt this temptress wore was not buttoned up all the way and an enticing expanse of chest and toned stomach was on display; breasts only barely concealed by a matching lace bra that prevented her from getting a serious eyeful and losing what was left of her mind.

A dark blonde eyebrow rose as its owner leaned back against the counter and took a small bite of her previously forgotten bagel.

"See something you like Detective?"

Finding her brain behind all the dirty images in her head, Olivia replied smoothly.

"As a matter of fact I do, but, Counselor, I think my girlfriend would not approve of a vision like you appearing in my kitchen and eating her bagels."

"That's too bad. I had high hopes for you and I." Alex winked at her and turned back around to close her folder.

Moving swiftly Olivia walked up behind her and slipped her arms around the slender waist, pulled Alex back again her. She held her tight and inhaled the intoxicating aroma of the ADA's shampoo, her light perfume and the natural aroma that was all Alex. The blonde ADA couldn't help but gasp and lean back into her lover as Olivia's lips found her neck.

"Mmm, I'd think after last night you'd had enough baby."

"I could never have enough of you." Olivia said sincerely as she spoke against the ADA's neck causing Alex to shiver slightly.

"Sweet talker."

"I try."

"Mmm, Liv, I'll be late if…we can continue this...umm, 'conversation'…later."

"MmmK." Olivia said before reluctantly releasing the ADA from her arms and letting her turn around.

Alex planted a soft kiss against her lips, before she slipped out of the kitchen to get dressed.

Plunging her hands in her pockets, she sighed heavily and went to finish getting ready to meet Elliot at the coffee shop.

COFFEE

"Liv, why do you look so shaken? What's going on?"

"I don't know El…I just…" She picked up her coffee wondering if she could drown herself in it.

"I think you should tell Casey."

"What?! No, she'll just tell her, El. Casey can't keep a secret."

"You're acting like you know the location of Atlantis or something; it wasn't this hard for me."

"I don't know how Alex will respond El."

"You're scared?"

"What if she leaves me El?"

Standing Elliot pulls his worried looking partner with him and embraces her.

NOVAK

Knocking on the door, she enter when the voice inside told her to come in.

"Hey."

"Oh hey Liv, what's up? I've been trying to locate you for prep."

"Oh, sorry about that…I had umm…an appointment."

"Yeah, Elliot mentioned but I'm not buying it. Shut the door and spill it!"

EVENING

The phone rang and Olivia struggled on socked feet to reach it before it went to the answering machine. Alex watched her stumble before answering it breathlessly.

"Casey thanks for calling…" Not even sparing Alex a glance, Liv walked briskly back to the bedroom with the cordless. Alex watched Olivia shut the door behind her. The ADA's brows furrowed and her shoulders slumped as she let the folder in her hand fall into her lap.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 2

She thought she knew Olivia; they'd been dating for almost 7 months after having worked together for more than 2 years. She felt loved and sexy and needed and she thought she made Olivia feel the same.

Lately it seemed like Olivia had been pulling away and there was nothing she could do about it. Olivia still rocked her world in the bedroom…or the shower or on the dining room table…or the…

Lately, after particularly emotional interludes Olivia would hold her from behind and sigh like there was something on her mind but she'd never say a word past, 'I love you.'

In the kitchen she'd pulled away from Olivia, and then fearing she'd turn around and see discontentment and disinterest she'd just closed her eyes and given her a small kiss. As she'd walked away she could hear Olivia sigh, and turned to see if Olivia was at least watching her, but no, she didn't even turn to watch Alex go like she usual did or give her a devilish wink. Something was terribly wrong.

Why did Casey call? Was something going on between the two? No, she couldn't start doubting Olivia. She had no proof. Maybe Casey just called her for the case next week. That had to be it.

THE OFFICE

Alex slumped in her chair and rubbed her sore temples; she couldn't help but think about Olivia's emotional distance.

She looked across the hall at Casey's door.

Standing, she moved across the hall towards it and knocked softly.

"Hey Alex, what's up?"

"Nothing, really…Umm, when was the last time you talked to Liv?"

"Um, this morning, why?"

"She's taking the stand in the Logan case right?"

"Yeah, I have Elliot too, and this morning I prepped her about her testimony over coffee before coming in." Casey looked up, somewhat curiously at her colleague's line of questioning.

Alex's face fell a little but she didn't give away her feelings. Olivia had rushed out the door this morning, without even kissing her good-bye, she'd just called out a distant 'bye Lex' and then she was gone. She had been rushing to meet Casey.

"You called her last night for prep didn't you?" Alex asked a little harshly.

"No, I mean, yes, I called to prep her but we didn't get to finish."

"I'm sure you didn't." Alex said sharply with venom practically dripping from her lips.

She'd waited almost 20 minutes after Olivia had disappeared into the room with the phone when she decided to tell her she was going to spend the night at her own apartment. She walked in and Olivia had stopped talking, looking up at her slightly wide eyed for a moment. She had mumbled a quick 'I gotta go, see you tomorrow' and hung up.

Alex had planned to leave, under the guise of not having anything to wear for work, but Olivia volunteered to drive her to pick up something and return. She'd excepted because she was too weak to give up on Liv. She couldn't let herself think about what Olivia was talking to Casey about. She wouldn't let Casey take her love away without a fight.

Casey was slightly taken aback by Alex's tone and underlying insinuations but she couldn't help but be slightly amused. She knew she couldn't say what she and the extremely smitten Detective were talking about. She was glad Olivia had confused what was really going on with her. She'd hoped they could be honest with each other about things. She knew Elliot had been covering for Liv, 'appointment' yeah right, but to find out why had been a complete surprise.

Then again it wasn't so surprising but Olivia's doubt and fear had almost broken her heart. Olivia had been so worked up when she'd confessed to her what was going on in her head and heart that she had come around the desk and embraced her for her being so sweet. Olivia had even let a tear slip out of her eye as she looked into Casey's equally as moist eyes.

Stealing herself she refused to share anything with Alex and vowed to keep this secret between her and Olivia until Olivia was ready to talk to Alex, no matter how worked up the other ADA was getting or how many questions she asked.

She had to let Olivia talk to Alex, it wouldn't be right for her to tell Alex something like that. Plus, Olivia had sworn her to secrecy. They'd have to sneak around until Olivia got the courage she needed. At least Elliot was in on it, and Munch and Fin, even Cragen knew now. They were all supportive.

Alex's sigh brought her back to reality.

"I'm sorry; I'm being an idiot. I've just been under a lot of stress. I…I think Olivia is pulling away from me, Casey. I think there might be someone else." Alex looked at her questioningly. "If…if you knew something you'd tell me wouldn't you?" Alex looked into Casey's eyes almost pleadingly, a complete 180 degree turn from her attitude earlier.

"Alex, I think we're friends, I support your relationship with Liv and if I thought Olivia was seeing someone else, like you suspect, I'd let you know, even if that someone was me. She loves you."

Alex nodded slightly but she held Casey's gaze and called on her years of prosecuting to try and confirm the words with visual cues.

There was no reason to doubt her, even though her instinct told her something was going on, she just couldn't put her finger on it.

"I just need to talk to her, I guess. I shouldn't doubt her or your friendship Case….I'm sorry, I feel so vulnerable with Olivia sometimes, she gets to me." Alex plopped down in guest chair across from Casey's desk and looked at the pictures behind Casey's desk ideally.

"I think talking to her will be a good idea, if…if I did know what was going on, Alex, if she asked me not to say anything, aside from something like cheating, I couldn't betray her trust." Casey smiled thinking she was doing a wonderful job of making Alex feel reassured and less suspicious.

Alex's doubt crept back in like a thief in the night. Her eyes trained on ADA Novak and her calm continence with renewed suspicion.

"Alex, don't look at me like that, come on…you don't have anything to worry about, I'm just saying…" Casey noticed the look and tried to back track, only managing to put her foot further into her mouth. 'Oh Shit.'

"I think I'm going to go back to my office and have a talk with her. I can see I'm being played for a foul here." Standing abruptly Alex walked out and across the hall. She closed her office door behind her and leaned back against it as a hot tear slid down her cheek. Burning feelings of hurt and betrayal, stung in her chest and she brought her hand up to clutch her chest as a strangled sob escaped her throat.

Casey fumbled with her phone to call Olivia before Alex could.

SQUAD ROOM

"Benson."

"I fucked up seriously. I think I really upset Alex, she might have the wrong idea about…"

"What!? Case, I though you were gonna be cool, what the hell happened? Did you tell her, did you tell her Casey?"

"NO! No, I just didn't do a good job of reassuring, I—"

"Shit, hold on, I have another call-"

"That's her, I'll call back later."

"Ok, I'll try to fix this and I'll meet you tonight, as planned. Bye."

"I'm sorry Liv."

"It's okay, later."

Taking a quick breath she switched to the other line.

"Benson."

"I just talked to Casey. We need to talk. Can you meet me at my office?"

"Alex, look-"

"Can you meet me Olivia?" Alex asked sternly.

Swallowing, Olivia agreed. "Yeah, I'll be there in five."

The line went dead.

Standing, she met Elliot's concerned eyes.

Her life could very well be over. Alex could walk away right now and it would all be over.

She would have to find the courage she needed to confess the truth or she'd have to let Alex walk away. Either way, she might lose her.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	3. Chapter 3

Hurrying to Alex's office she skidded to a stop when she saw Casey peeping out of her office.

"Liv…Liv!" Casey whispered somewhat loudly.

"What? Is she in there?" She gestured to Alex's closed door as Casey emerged into the hallway with her.

"Liv, I'm sorry about messing this up, you know how I think sometimes, I tried to make sure I told her you weren't seeing someone else and she apologized for doubting me but then I turned around and said I wouldn't break your trust and then she…"

"Case, its okay…," she raised her arm and rubbed Casey's upper arm reassuringly. "God, I'm being a chicken shit anyway, this is how this whole mess started, and I should just talk to her."

Casey's face was slightly flushed and she looked like she was truly upset by the turn of events.

At that moment, ADA Cabot opened her door. Her blue eyes locked on the two startled faces in the hallway as they snapped up in her direction and then to where Olivia's hand was touching Casey's arm.

"Alex…" Casey and Olivia said at the same time as Alex closed her eyes slowly as if to block out the image before her. Breathing in deeply, she slammed her office door shut behind her and walked down the hall without giving them another look.

"Oh fuck…" Casey whispered and looked at Olivia's shocked face.

"Shit, shit shit!" Olivia whispered harshly and put her hands on my knees and leaned forward in an attempt to calm herself.

"Go! Liv, go after her!" Casey gestured wildly for Olivia to follow Alex.

"Yeah, I am, I am…I'm just trying to remember how to breathe…" She stood and gave Casey a quick nod before she trotted down the hall in Alex's wake.

Casey leaned against her door and almost fell into her office as the door swung open under her weight. She hadn't closed it properly when she'd come out. Regaining her balance she moved to her chair and sat, letting her head fall onto the desk in front of her with a small thud.

"Ouch…"

ON THE STREET

"Alex!" Olivia could see the blonde head moving through the crowd just up ahead but lunch time was never a good time to actually get around efficiently in the city.

Alex heard Olivia call to her from somewhere behind her but she refused to turn and acknowledge her. She wanted to lose herself in the crowd and never see another face she knew ever again.

She walked briskly, knowing that if she didn't put enough distance between herself and Olivia she'd lose her mind. She had been in the woman's life for years now, they slept together, they talked, they laughed, they…they loved.

Olivia had become her weakness; she spent at least 5 nights a week with Olivia, either at her apartment uptown or at Olivia's place. If she wasn't with the woman, she was thinking about her. She had clothes and work clothes at the woman's apartment for crying out loud; and Olivia had things at her place…even one of her signature leather jackets hung in her closet, that beautiful brown one that brought out Olivia's eyes. Maybe it was all just a lie, maybe Olivia didn't find the comfort she needed in her arms, and maybe she was too high maintenance for Olivia. Maybe looking at Alex only reminded her of the job…but Casey was an ADA too, so no, it had to be her. She just wasn't enough for Olivia. Olivia used to be so casual with her, so affectionate. Now she would find Olivia studying her, and she would always look like there was something she wanted to say…or maybe it was admit?

Deep down she knew Olivia wasn't cheating on her and Casey wouldn't do that to her but that didn't matter right now, right now she was hurt. The detective had been so uncharacteristic lately that seeing her with Casey was a good enough explanation to lean on.

Olivia would make little jokes about how they were always at each others place and Olivia would always be so carefully to not to be in her way in the morning when they were rushing around to get ready in the past couple weeks. It was like she didn't want to look at her in the light of day.

Olivia had never been so careful around her before, not even when they first started spending the night at each others apartments. At least now she knew it was because she was hiding an affair…with her colleague of all people. Stop it; she's not sleeping with Casey.

It was just easy to be mad right now.

She took a sharp right down an alley and kept walking briskly. As the wind picked up, and breezed through the alley she regretted not grabbing her jacket.

"Alex, stop please!" Olivia hadn't missed a step and she call to Alex as she rounded the corner.

"What do you want from me Detective?!" Alex turned and yelled knowing that passing pedestrians on the street wouldn't even bat an eye at 2 people arguing in an alley. The emotion was thick in her voice as her anger mingled with hurt.

"Alex, listen to me, this is getting crazy!"

"I'm Crazy!?!"

"NO! Alex this is my fault-"

"Damn right it's your fault Detective Benson, at least now you're no longer MY problem." Alex turned to continue her journey.

"Alex, stop, you don't understand-"

"You're wrong; I do understand…it's very clear to me what's been going on. You stare at me like you don't know what you're doing with me, you stay so far away from me when I'm at your apartment or your at mine, especially in the morning, even after we've have a great night together. I also understand that you only come into the kitchen to say good –bye or sometimes you just call out 'later' while I'm still in the shower…Liv, you make love to me and that's the only time I know you're there with me completely, but you've been avoiding any serious conversation about us…wait, who am I kidding though right? US?" Alex tossed her head back and laughed humorlessly. "Is there even an 'us' anymore, or is it just you and Casey? Olivia, just tell me it's over, you don't have to struggle to end it anymore."

She knew it was a stab in the dark and she'd already realized that Olivia wouldn't cheat on her but she couldn't really identify any other reasons for the Detective's behavior just yet.

"Don't say that Alex, please, I'm not seeing Casey and I think you know it. You're jumping to conclusions. This is very hard for me…it's hard to approach you sometimes Alex. It's just not what you think it is."

"Then the secrecy all of a sudden and your distance is a figment of my imagination? You know what," Alex sighed; she was letting her inner bitch out and poor Olivia was going to be singed by the flames if she wasn't careful. "Forget it, maybe when I'm in a more rational frame of mind we can talk. Right now I'm only going to hack into you about this." Alex began walking towards a very distressed looking Olivia. She didn't stop; she just brushed past Olivia and kept going, retracing her steps.

"Alex…"

"Yes, Olivia? What?" Alex stopped but didn't turn around to face the suddenly small voiced of the Detective; she didn't want Olivia to see her tears.

Moving up behind the ADA slowly, she stood behind her. She knew that it was now or never and fear was no longer an option.

She took a deep cleansing breath and began, "I can't think clearly Alex, and I second guess myself with you. It…it scares me how much I think about you, how much I love you. I know usually people freak out at the beginning but this isn't the beginning of a relationship type thing; this is different, very different. The more serious it gets the more I panic. I have been asking so many people for there advice and I never stopped to think that I was pulling away from you. Fear…fear is a something that consumes people; it makes a fairly stable woman very weak."

At that, Alex turned around to see only sincerity in Olivia's equally as moist eyes but she was too vulnerable right now. She believed her but she couldn't let the feeling of despair she felt after seeing Olivia with Casey go just yet. Not after what had been running around in her blonde head.

"Olivia, what could you be afraid of? It's me, Alex, you know me…God, I wish I could accept this…I just can't right now…I'm feeling so…so hurt right now-"

"After I had coffee with Casey? After I touched her arm in a comforting way because she said some things to you and complicated things for me? Alex, give me a chance to explain, please." Olivia pleaded softly.

"Honestly, this isn't about Casey, it was just something I could use to rationalize why you'd pull away, I know you wouldn't do that…I didn't mean to doubt you or Casey but…I'm just going to go home right now, Olivia, I-"

"You know I love you Lex; and I'd never ever be unfaithful to you. If you already know that then give me a chance to explain. Meet me in Central Park in 2 hours, meet me there and I'll explain everything. At the Gapstow Bridge, Central Park, in 2 hours…please?"

"Why am I going to agree to this? What have you been hiding from me if not an affair, Detective?"

"You're agreeing to this because you know I'd never do anything to deliberately hurt you, think about my behavior, I know it's been a little erratic lately but think about what's in my heart, Lex."

Sighing heavily, Alex looked at Olivia for a few moments before answering.

"Fine. I'll be there in 2 hours and this better be one hell of a good explanation." Alex began to walk backwards and turned abruptly and walked away. Her expression was unreadable although there were tears making there way down her cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia stood in the alleyway for at least 5 minutes after Alex had turned and left. She truly wasn't good enough for Alex. Perhaps everything would end today and Alex would think her completely mad.

When she finally returned to the station, Casey and Elliot were there waiting for her.

SQUAD ROOM

"So what did she say?" Elliot asked hopefully.

"I…I didn't really say anything. Not yet."

"Liv, I know I completely made things ten times more nerve wrecking for you but, do you want me to go talk to her and explain what's really been bothering you? She'll feel horrible about accusing you of things but you need to open your mouth and talk Olivia, come one you can't hide it. You want to--" Casey said perching on Elliot's desk.

"You're right," Olivia interrupted, "it's my thing; I should have had the courage to just talk to my own girlfriend without turning to all of you. I'm sorry, you guys have been so great trying to help me with this anxiety…I keep going back and forth, one minute I'm so ready and the next minute, I'm scared out of my mind that she'll laugh in my face."

"You know she wouldn't do that Liv. What happened then if you didn't talk to her?" Elliot asked.

"I'm meeting her in Central Park, I should go and locate my guts and just do it."

Munch sauntered over.

"Hey Liv, umm just be you, I know she loves you…even if my track record isn't perfect. I think I've…well, I've discouraged you unknowingly. But hey, I can recognize two people who love each other; and well…you deserve to be happy, Alex will understand everything."

"Thanks Munch, that means a lot."

"Liv, honestly you should just tell her straight up. No nonsense. Just be real." Fin moved to stand next to his partner as he spoke to a pale looking Olivia. "And don't worry so much, the woman does love you, I mean she'd have to, to agree to meet you even after she thought you were banging Novak."

"FIN!" Casey livened up.

"What? It's true, that's what Alex thought." He shrugged.

"Yeah, well, there's better ways of putting it." Casey crossed her arms and frowned.

"Guys, can we just leave it? El, let Cragen know I have to go try and put my life back together."

"Yeah, sure…and good luck, partner." Elliot smiled.

"Yeah, Good luck, you chicken!" Munch laughed even after Fin smacked him in the shoulder.

"Oh and don't forget, you told me to remind you…your desk drawer." Elliot said pointed to her desk.

"Oh, yeah, thanks El."

With that, she smiled sadly at her worried and hopeful co-workers/family. She grabbed her jacket and opened her desk drawer; she gathered her belongings she left.

BRIDGE

The cab deposited her on Central Park E Drive and she walked along the wide walkway that led to the bridge. As she got closer, she could see Olivia standing near the middle of the bridge to one side. The detective wore her leather jacket and the sun made her olive complexion glow. Alex hated her for looking so gorgeous when she wanted to be mad at her.

On the walk back to her office she'd confirmed that she had jumped to the conclusion that Casey had been trying to protect Olivia's trust without lying to her.

She was still mad at Olivia for even making her think something was going on but she was curious about her lover's behavior. Olivia had become too secretive about what was going on in that pretty head of hers and she had just clamed up on her. To top it off, the Detective hadn't even given her a god damn clue while they were standing around in a windy alley either. No, instead, she was out in Central Park after begging Donnelly for the afternoon off; to meet Olivia on a bridge. At least, she was thankful she'd brought her light jacket this time and she'd get some answers out of her suspiciously acting girlfriend.

She moved to lean against the stone railing of the bridge next to Olivia so that their shoulders brushed and she stared into the water below.

"Ok, I know you're not cheating…but what's been going on Liv? How did it get to the point where I would even think that you were cheating?"

"I haven't been forthcoming about what's really been going on in my head Lex, that's why. And I'm so sorry you had to think I was cheating on you for you to get me to open up." Olivia stuffed her hands in her pockets and didn't look at Alex. She was still fearful that Alex wouldn't want this.

"Just tell me what's going on, please? You know you can tell me anything, granted I might yell and throw you off this bridge but it's a risk you'll have to take." Alex smiled slightly as Olivia finally turned and gave her a small smirk.

"You remember this bridge?"

"How could I forget? We shared our first kiss right here, in broad day light I might add."

Olivia smiled at the memory. "Yeah, we had a jogging date…in our short shorts and tank tops, completely sweaty, and we stopped to rest here…looking into the water at our reflection, the way we looked side by side…" she looked at Alex in the reflection in the water as she spoke. "…and I don't know who turned their head first, but we kissed…" A tear slid down Olivia's cheek. Lately she had little say when those tears would come.

"Liv…" Alex touched her shoulder lightly and rubbed Olivia's back comfortingly as she leaned over and kissed Olivia's cheek. The emotional detective leaned away slightly, not able to continue if Alex got any closer.

"Alex, that's the day I realized that, I-I…I didn't just love you…I was completely head over heels in love with you, so never doubt my love." Olivia stuttered slightly and it pulled at Alex's heart strings.

"Well, then we share something there." Alex smiled trying to reassure Olivia. "That day I knew I was in love with you too Liv."

"You did?"

"Yes, Olivia, you know I love you more than anything. Don't doubt my love baby, do you think I'd up and run away from you or something? I love you Liv…maybe I should have told you that I knew I was in love with you then…I guess I thought you knew. I'm so in love with you Detective Benson."

"Are you really Alex?" Olivia looked at the attorney next to her with pleadingly hopeful eyes.

The look on Olivia's face almost broke her heart in two.

"Liv? What's this about baby? You…do you really doubt my love for you?" She was genuinely curious about how Olivia really felt.

Moments ticked by and Olivia's body got even more tense. Alex was about to summon comforting words, but Olivia finally spoke.

"All this…this confusion, is my fault…I shouldn't doubt you, it's all so unnecessary but it's so hard to tell you what's been on my mind, Lex. I never even thought I could want anything like this, I don't think I deserve….I don't want you to tell me…that…you don't…God, what happens when you realize you can do better?"

Olivia turned away to hide her face that was contorting with emotion and Alex moved up and embraced her from behind never missing a beat.

Turning in the ADA's arms, she let Alex hold her close as she just buried her face in Alex's neck and held the ADA against her. Alex held her close, kissing Olivia's hair and rubbing her back gently.

"Liv, tell me what's been going on, you're scaring me."

Minutes ticked by until Olivia finally pulled away and leaned over the railing again, pulling Alex by the hand to stand next to her.

She spoke to their reflections as she began.

"You know what's funny? It scares me how much I love you. I'm supposed to be brave and ready to face anything." She took a deep breathe and continued. "You said some things earlier…you had a right to and I see now why you'd think I was disinterested in you even though it's far from the truth."

They turned and blue met brown as Olivia continued.

"I stare at you, not because I wish I wasn't with you but because I can't believe you're with me…I try to stay so far out of your way in the morning when we're getting ready because Alex, I don't ever want you to get tired of me…I don't want you to regret having me around or wish I wasn't there." Olivia eyes shone with sincerity as she spoke.

Alex recognized this as the woman whose mother drank herself to death, the woman who struggled with her identity because of what her 'father' had done to her mother. This was the Olivia she held on the nights when it all became too much for the courageous Detective and she'd cry so silently in her arms. This Olivia brought tears to Alex's eyes, this Olivia breaks her heart when she sees her emerge from her usually strong lover, and this is the Olivia she would never let go of, no matter how much Olivia tried to pull away and hide her.

Olivia continued, "I'm no one and you're who everyone wants, you're Alexandra Cabot, you're on the political fast track to success. What right could I possible have to…to want anything from you?" Olivia asked as if she expected Alex to validate her question.

"Olivia, you are everything to ME…you complete me Liv. What has you thinking about things in this way all of a sudden?" Alex asked as she reached out and rested her hand on top of Olivia's on the stone railing of the bridge.

Olivia looked down at Alex's hand on hers and smiled sadly.

"I woke up one morning, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, and you were holding me so close, your hair surrounded me, your body clung to mine while you held me from behind in your sleep…I laced my fingers with yours and I had a crazy notion that morning, and ever since I've been trying to figure out how to get it out of my head or deal with it. Alex, I'm so scared of what you'll say...I asked not only Elliot, but Fin and Munch…then I turned to Casey, you know, to get another woman's opinion..."

"Liv, I'm getting so confused, what is this all about?"

Olivia just shook her head a little as if to say if I stop now it would never come out.

"…I-I'd sometimes stare at your hand in the moonlight when it would sneak through the space between the curtains in your bedroom while you slept…and just think…ha, can you believe I thought that you'd want to be with me forever? I mean…who am I right?" Olivia laughed completely humorlessly as her thoughts scattered. "Alex, I couldn't help but imagine…" Olivia choked up and opted for actions instead of words. She pulled her hand from under Alex's and reached into her jeans pocket.

Olivia took Alex's hand and turned to stand face to face with the blond ADA. Alex locked eyes with Olivia and she only broke eye contact to look down at her hand in complete shock as Olivia slid a diamond ring onto her finger. The Detective took a hold of both of the attorney's hands and held them to her pounding chest.

"…I couldn't help but imagine what a symbol of my love for you would look like here on your finger."

She tentatively looked into Olivia's eyes and then down at the ring again.

Olivia still held Alex's other hand to her hammering chest as she lifted Alex's newly adorned hand to examine it and she kissed each knuckle before speaking.

"Do you know that last night I slipped this ring on your finger while you slept and your hand, to me, looked more beautiful than ever in the moonlight? I knew it was right…but how could I think something like that? I shouldn't even think about asking you to get an apartment with me because I don't like to see us go back and forth between our separate places. I don't deserve you Alex…but I can't risk losing you either…I can't risk you thinking that just because I'm a coward and hid these feelings from you, that I don't love you with every beat of my heart."

Alex looked at Olivia, mesmerized by the way the tears on Olivia's cheek reflected the sun and the sincerity in her eyes. All she could do was smile at Olivia through her own tears and speechlessness as Olivia continued.

"I have no right, no place in your world, but I can't go another day without letting you know what is on my mind…Alexandra Cabot, will you give my life meaning, will you make me the happiest woman in the world?…Lex, will you hold me in your heart always? Baby, marry me?"

"Oh my god…I can't believe I thought you…I never stopped to think…oh my god…" Alex laughed nervously in her completely shocked state.

Olivia smiled sadly and began to pull away.

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Will Alex say yes? Or… How evil am I? hmm…

Push that little button and review, pretty please!


	5. Chapter 5

…_Alexandra Cabot, will you give my life meaning, will you make me the happiest woman in the world?...Lex, will you hold me in your heart always? Baby, marry me?" _

"_Oh my god…I can't believe I thought you…I never stopped to think…oh my god…" Alex laughed nervously in her completely shocked state. _

_Olivia smiled sadly and began to pull away. _

Alex reached out quickly, sensing Olivia pulling away, and pulled her by the lapels of her leather jacket back to her. She moved her hands and cupped Olivia's face as their bodies came together.

"My Olivia, what a tangled web we weave…" Alex smiled and wiped Olivia's lingering tears away with her thumbs before she closed the small gap between them and kissed Olivia's slightly quivering lips. Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's tenderly and slowly licked Olivia's lips with the tip of here tongue. As she was granted access, she slid her tongue in to meet Olivia's. She moaned into the kiss as Olivia's arms encircled her waist eagerly and pulled her tightly against her body. Alex slid her fingers from Olivia's face and buried them in the Detective's hair as she tilted her head; deepening the searing kiss.

She slowed the kiss and returned her hands to cupping Olivia's face. Alex kept her lips resting lightly against Olivia's slight smiling ones; their lips touching every now and then as she spoke.

"Yes…yes, I will marry you Olivia, you are everything I want and everything I never knew I needed…God, how I love you…," She pulled back in to look deep into Olivia's soul capturing brown eyes. "…never _never _doubt that. You have held my heart for years Detective Benson; I think even before we decided to give us a chance, I loved you."

She looked at the slightly blushing Detective.

"How could I have lapsed huh? You really thought I wouldn't say 'yes'?" Alex continued as she moved in again to rest her forehead against Olivia's.

"It wasn't your fault Lex; honestly fear got the better of me and trust me; I won't let fear stand in the way of what I want again. I should have followed my feelings and known that you loved me enough to make this commitment."

"You know I was so close to asking Elliot what was going on with you but on some level I knew he would never betray your trust, he'd have just referred me back to you to get my answers."

"I really am sorry, Lex, I know I got hard to read…I was so intent on trying to study your actions and reactions that I threw you off."

"Let's not do that anymore, okay? For a detective and a prosecutor we sure can be clueless…" Alex grinned. "And, on a serious note, Liv, if there's something on our minds we need to talk to each other about it; no matter how we think the other might react…and I'm sorry too, I should have been more approachable."

Olivia pulled Alex close again and nuzzled her cheek and then kissed her neck lovingly as a sign of her love and forgiveness. The embrace reached a turning point when Olivia closed her mouth over the pulse point on Alex's neck and her hands started to drift down the ADA's back to within inches of suit pant clad rear.

"Mmm baby, I'm going to need to jump in this water to cool off if you keep doing that."

"Or we could always give these good people of Central Park a show?" Olivia mumbled against Alex's neck.

"Oh no, lover, I'm not sharing you…Casey escaped with her life because I finally thought about it and I know better but if someone tried to join in I might have to take legal action-"

"Legal action? On what charge?" Olivia moved away from Alex's neck before she got carried away and looked at her with an amused smirk.

"Oh I'll think of something, preferably something they could get the death penalty for…"

"Alex, you're soo bad."

"Yeah, and you love it." Alex said with confidence.

"Yeah…" Olivia grinned and took Alex's hand as they began to walk by mutual agreement.

"I'm going to head home since I have the afternoon off but I need to get some things. Walk me back to my office?"

"Sure, I need to be heading back to the squad room anyway. I haven't been very productive with my paper work lately and I don't officially have the afternoon off."

Alex let go of Olivia's hand and wrapped her arm around the Detective waist and leaned into her lover's side as Olivia slipped her own arm around her.

"I love you Olivia."

"And I love you Lex."

ALEX'S OFFICE

Olivia hovered in the office as Alex unlocked her top desk draw and pulled out a small stack of papers from a folder. She put them in her attaché case with some other folders.

As Alex locked up her office for the day and linked arms with the detective.

"Alex, thank you." Olivia said.

"For what?"

"For…you know, for saying yes."

"Olivia, you have no idea how happy you've made me, do you? …and of course I said yes, I like the idea of being Mrs. Benson.

"Mmm, I like that, but your last name is important to you and I don't want you to change it…"

"Umm, so thoughtful." A beat. "Oh God, I got ridiculous with Casey, I think I'll give her a call tomorrow and invite her to lunch."

"I'm invited too? Do we get to go to that nice Italian place?" Olivia grinned hopefully.

"No, sorry, this is an ADA thing, and good idea, she and I might go to that nice Italian place you like." Alex said jokingly and Olivia pouted.

"Fine, I guess you'll just have to find a way to make it up to me then, right?"

"Oh, I think we can work something out…maybe even tonight."

ALEX'S APARTMENT

Olivia was called into a case, but Alex had lovingly requested/demanded that she come over no matter how late.

Alex used the time Olivia was at work most constructively however. She took a long bath and stared at the ring on her finger with a silly look on her face for long minutes.

Her almost permanent smile widened as she jumped out of the tub and moved to the living room. She sat on the couch in just her robe and reached into the side table drawer; rummaging around for a business card she knew she had put there almost a month ago. She opened her attaché case and pulled out the papers she'd removed from the folder in her desk. She'd wanted to tell Olivia about the papers that would give Olivia half of everything she had, even her trust fund but she couldn't resist surprising her later. Another paper was for her Power of Attorney and another for Olivia to co-own her Porsche. There were a few others that would solidify Olivia's importance in her life and prove once and for all how much Olivia meant to her.

She finally she picked up the phone and dialed the number on the business card. She listened as it rang a couple times.

"_Cartier Ring Consultant, this is Anthony how may I help you?" _

THE END

Possible Sequel:

Finding Time

About: Alex and Olivia have decided to make a big commitment but when Olivia is never home after the squad gets a tough case and Alex is swamped with cases of her own, who is left to search for an apartment for them to share? Will they ever find the time to plan a wedding?


End file.
